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on art and apathy
Nov. 15th, 2012 11:36 amhard to believe it's november already. friends and I will be having a vegan thanksgiving the weekend after thanksgiving - actually excited for the holiday a bit! interesting. i want to make too many things.
my art 'sense', my sense of obligation to post photos, scans, sketches and paintings online has been dim to burned out lately. i mean, it's been on a downward spiral for a while now. hard to really want to post stuff when every time you touch a computer mouse your hand goes 'noooo...'. i think my tendinitis has conditioned my thought process to go from 'hey i want to draw!' > 'i'm drawing!' to 'hey i want to draw!' > 'Does my hand hurt?' > 'Yes, lets not draw tonight' OR 'No, but i don't want it to start hurting, so lets not draw tonight'. photos are part of this too. it's not just as easy as 'hey i'm going to upload these photos from my camera', it's more like 'does my hand hurt little enough today that i can spend an hour or two uploading these photos? no? ok, let's not, then.' even when i feel ok, my brain goes 'well, it's only a matter of time before it starts to hurt again, best not to aggravate it'.
i don't know. everything is boring. the internet is boring. facebook, tumblr, twitter, they're all the same garbage regurgitated over and over again. tv is boring. movies are boring. books are interesting but also boring (yes, i know. you can be dry and interesting at the same time). it's hard to care anymore. i care about some things, dumb things, family crap that gives me anxiety, my inevitable death, etc. maybe i need a new change of pace? a new setting? a new place to go? coming home after work, it's a bit frustrating. what do i do with my time? drawing hurts. i've checked my usual websites all day online while at work. no internet during the hurricane was the worst. i was simultaneously bored out of my mind and terrified of the fact that i had somehow become one of Those People who can't be entertained without some kind of electronic device channeling crap into their brain. what have i done to myself?
my art 'sense', my sense of obligation to post photos, scans, sketches and paintings online has been dim to burned out lately. i mean, it's been on a downward spiral for a while now. hard to really want to post stuff when every time you touch a computer mouse your hand goes 'noooo...'. i think my tendinitis has conditioned my thought process to go from 'hey i want to draw!' > 'i'm drawing!' to 'hey i want to draw!' > 'Does my hand hurt?' > 'Yes, lets not draw tonight' OR 'No, but i don't want it to start hurting, so lets not draw tonight'. photos are part of this too. it's not just as easy as 'hey i'm going to upload these photos from my camera', it's more like 'does my hand hurt little enough today that i can spend an hour or two uploading these photos? no? ok, let's not, then.' even when i feel ok, my brain goes 'well, it's only a matter of time before it starts to hurt again, best not to aggravate it'.
i don't know. everything is boring. the internet is boring. facebook, tumblr, twitter, they're all the same garbage regurgitated over and over again. tv is boring. movies are boring. books are interesting but also boring (yes, i know. you can be dry and interesting at the same time). it's hard to care anymore. i care about some things, dumb things, family crap that gives me anxiety, my inevitable death, etc. maybe i need a new change of pace? a new setting? a new place to go? coming home after work, it's a bit frustrating. what do i do with my time? drawing hurts. i've checked my usual websites all day online while at work. no internet during the hurricane was the worst. i was simultaneously bored out of my mind and terrified of the fact that i had somehow become one of Those People who can't be entertained without some kind of electronic device channeling crap into their brain. what have i done to myself?
