like i always used to do

when things start looking okay and you forget that there was a time limit to it

and it's just, numb, but also it hurts, like freezing

fucking up at work. trying not to invest in it emotionally anymore. my biggest problem with work is when i care.

it feels like a different person. like i was literally a different person and i'm carrying around someone else's vague, blurry memories. i remember being here and doing these things, and liking that, or this, and talking to this person, or that. but not really. not the details. and don't get me started on childhood... it's basically like a watercolor painting that's all just... yeah. 

sometimes i can remember pieces. with music, or a sense. and then i replay it and wear the memory out.