bheghsfh.

[mitsene]

i don't know what happened to me back in the day, but somewhere along the line i got really, really bad at keeping up with friends. in some ways social interactions have become easier for me, but in others, i'm way worse than i was before. like talking to strangers was such an issue for me in high school but i had many people and friends i could talk to that i knew for a long time. now, i can talk to any jerk on the street, but i only have this very, very small group of friends that i've only really known for a couple of years. every time i go on facebook it reminds me of all the people that i should be talking to, maybe not on a daily basis but at least now and then... but i'm not.
somewhere along the line i told myself it'd be better if i didn't keep up with them, what with all the drama people can end up having. somewhere along the line i distanced myself from people who reminded me of other people or incidents that i didn't want to remember. i don't talk to people from ECA anymore, even though i should, because i feel like they might think i abandoned them and didn't like them anymore 'cause i stopped going there senior year.
i have a lot of friends that i miss hanging out with and seeing and talking to, but i can't say anything because it's been too long and things have changed too much and it'd be weird to just say something out of the blue to them.

it's just impossible for me to be a good friend if i'm not forced to be around you.

i wish i could tell them i miss them.